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Ah, two hours of searching, but I finally found where I had misplaced this little scrap of amusement. I recieved it quite some time ago, with a footnote to the text which read: "Now send this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway."
The True Definition of a Friend
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard or bitch who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse It could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A friend will help you move. A real friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
The True Definition of a Friend
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard or bitch who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse It could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A friend will help you move. A real friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
